Mermaid's Environmental Sex Life
Here you can expect my top picks for earth-friendly lingerie, how to have conscious chats with your lover, feeling in to your boundaries and expressing consent, lube au naturale, balancing the menstrual cycle with ovulation monitoring, and everyone’s favourite—crystal dildos, jade eggs, and g-spot stimulators made from pink glass.
This all began with an interview on triple j’s the hook-up…listen in for super serious mermaid advice. ;) I thought I’d put my tips to print and I made a quickie live youtube with some more juicy details depending on your fav medium. xx
Disclaimer: I am a straight, cisgendered woman, so this blog on Earth Safe Sex reflects my sexual routine and experience as a girl person having sex with boy persons. Please share things I have certainly missed by commenting below.
I haven’t used single-use plastics for ten years EXCEPT CONDOMS. Condoms are the one and only single-use plastic I endorse. They are the best in their field and I Don’t mess with babies OR disease.
Objective: Sexy Times Whilst Preventing STDs & Pregnancy
Best Choice: Single-Use Natural Rubber Latex CONDOMS, preferable low packaging, vegan, natural
CONDOMS
They are nowhere near perfect. Most are made from natural latex (which is unknown but predicted to take centuries to break down in the environment) or worse, synthetic latex, which definitely takes centuries to break down, they certainly end up discarded in the environment as trash and endanger wildlife.
Condoms are considered the safest and most effective medicine to prevent HIV and other infectious diseases by the World Health Organization's List of Essential Medicines. I have always said, when it comes to our health, we must do what’s best for ourselves—most of the time that is avoiding plastics! In this case, and in many medical situations, plastic is a very useful material. (Although the med industry has taken it too far! Back to sterilization and reuse, nurses and doctors!)
They are coated in toxic spermicides and made of toxic plastics. They don’t feel as good. They are packaged in wasteful single-use plastic packaging. HOWEVER, they are our best option for preventing pregnancy AND protecting against STD’s.
I am adamantly against single-use plastics and have gone out of my way to avoid them for a decade, but let’s remember an entire human’s lifetime is a FAR bigger stress on our planet’s resources than one condom wrapper. Even the packages of creams and medicines to treat an infection is more packaging than one condom. And so to prevent us from contracting STDs and from unwanted pregnancy, we assess our options and determine which causes the least harm. In most cases, plastic straws and bottles have plenty of accessible alternatives better for the Earth. Not here. Use condoms.
Most toxin-free condoms are made from sustainably-sourced latex, these are healthy for our bodies and better for the planet. Unfortunately, companies are often not transparent about the ingredients they use. Condoms are not regulated by government bodies like pharmaceutical drugs are. Sometimes there is simply zero information at all about the main ingredient much less the toxic additives. Parabens are used in a lot of personal lubricants and lubricated condoms as a preservative, yet there is mounting science linking parabens to endocrine disruption and cancer growth—similar to the negative effects that plastics have on our health. Some people have latex allergies, so synthetic latex was created and other plastics are sometimes used—which leach estrogenic chemicals, so I choose to keep these away from our ultra-sensitive sex organs when we are feeling so open and loving and juicy. There are even some condoms made from LAMBSKIN—yes baby lamb! I do not endorse this. Be sure to do some googling to look deeper into the brands you have access to so you can avoid harmful chemicals, support ethical companies and avoid excessive packaging.
Objective: Intimate Sexual Intercourse with Trusted & Tested Partner sans Getting Pregnant
Best Choice: Natural Family Planning / Fertility Awareness Methods
FERTILITY TRACKING
If you want the friction of sex that a condom cannot offer and you have had the STD talk with a partner (see below)—start to track when you’re fertile. That’s right. We period havers are on a cycle of bleed and ovulate, so when you’re ovulating—don’t have sex! This is the fertile window. There are many apps that can input info about your experience each day of your cycle and help you tune in to your body and track your fertility. This is so beautiful, my friends. To finally let go of the SHAME of bleeding and fear of stains, and realize how gorgeous this magic body truly is! Ah. It’s such a deeply beautiful thing when we start to embrace and notice these changes and can feel ourselves get juicy and our attractive features accentuated as we cycle into ovulation. Or our energy dips and we choose to nest and regenerate as we move into the menstruation. or however your cycle circles! Tune in and watch as she may change with the seasons and years.
It’s so beautiful to be in tune with our bodies like this! So magic to understand the rhythm of our creative potential. This beautiful method of tracking our fertility allows us to be free and explore our pleasures barrier-free. However, these methods are not as effective at preventing pregnancy and cannot prevent STDs. So it’s super important to be mindful of these risks and have all the talks to ensure you and your partner are on the same page about tests and babies and sleeping with others, etc. The bottom line is open honest communication rules. A few tips coming up next on how to know what you feel and how to express this.
Objective: Avoiding Toxic Relationships & Situations
Best Choice: Connect to Your INTUITION & Have Conscious, Grounded Dialogues
TUNE IN WITH SELF & PARTNER
The world is changing fast and so are the ways we connect with others. Traditions like marriage and cultural norms of lifetime monogamy are no longer the standard. Humans are being called to explore their sexuality, have multiple partners, heal their sexual traumas, find ecstatic bliss through breath, and raise families in communities as opposed to the nuclear family of the past. It can be overwhelming and hard not to be swept up with trends or cultural discoveries. We know what is best for ouselves when we are practiced at tuning in! And with all of this freedom, it is important to stay connected to our true self, so that we are not reckless with our heart, body, and energy. And also stay connected with the hearts, bodies, and energies of the people we engage with through open, honest communication. Dan Savage says to treat your lover like a campsite, always leave them better than you found them. It doesn’t always come naturally for me, but I aim to show up for my partners as I want them to show up for me. With integrity, honesty, sexy playfulness, and lots and lots of love and care. In order to make sure we’re on the same page, I like to set some agreements with partners. More on this below.
HOW TO TUNE IN WITH YOURSELF
One of our greatest superpowers is the gift of intuition. It is so masculine to only factor in logic when we need to make a decision. We should factor in our feminine knowing as well! Our emotions and intuitions offer incredible information. And often it is this soft whispering voice or sharp instinct or a deep knowing that becomes our most trusted guide as we interact with other beautiful, complex humans.
Activating Your Intuition
Practice this: Sit quietly somewhere in nature or without distractions. Quiet your mind. Quiet the thoughts and mental chatter, and the questions and doubts of your ego. Focus on breathing deeply. If thoughts come up, just gently acknowledge them and let them go. Welcome the intuition to guide. Practice asking a few simple questions to feel the YES and the NO in your body. Ask a more difficult or complicated question. Feel the difference. Feel the answer or the knowing come to you. Try to distinguish between the quick to answer ego, and the sustained, deep knowing of the intuition. Come back to this practice and strengthen your trust in your intuition.
This will guide you in the meeting and engaging with romantic and intimate partners. As you meet them you will know straight away if it’s a yes or no. Start tuning in to these little obvious signals the intuition communicates. This will help us feel when bigger things are in question.
SETTING AGREEMENTS WITH YOUR PARTNER
Connecting sexually or sensually or intimately is such a fun and beautiful experience. It can feel even safer and more comfortable and help all relax when you and your partner are on the same page and have established clear and safe communication. Perhaps letting your lover know a few things about you. These are the agreements I like to set:
I am responsible for myself, things don’t ‘happen to me’ I am engaged and responsible in this life.
You can trust my Yeses and my Nos.
You can trust that I know, can express, and hold my boundaries.
If they also can express these things, then you have an agreement founded in these trusts. I also like to set an agreement about communicating no matter what. Instead of getting caught up in assumptions or ignoring little things that could build into resentment, if something is up in the energetic field between you two (or three! or more!), address it straight away. Even if it’s awkward or ungraceful. You may want to set the scene with candles or crystals and sexy lingerie and lots of kisses to make them feel comfy. Then say—in your own words—something along the lines of, “I’d love to connect with you about how we feel in this little eco-system we have grown.” Or skip the candles and just confront the thing when you feel the words come and you have the courage. Clear honest communication is the bottom line for healthy connections.
Before too many fluids are exchanged, I ask about STD’s. Health safety is a must for all new and returning lovers. “Have you been tested?” “Do you have the results?” “Are you sleeping with others, and if so are you using protection?” If they say you can trust me, let your intuition decide if you need to see the results. If they won’t show you, that’s a sign to keep using condoms. Again, feel into your intuition whether or not this is a red flag. Always show up how you want to be treated by lovers. And remember are already COMPLETE and WHOLE! No human outside of yourself will make you complete. It’s when we take really good care of our own self, that is when we are healthy and glowing and can connect with others in epic ways.
You will also want to discuss your birth control methods. Unless you’re hooking up with your same-sex, this should be a fun and sometimes messy thing that must be discussed. Because you want to keep the sperm away from the vulva if no babies are desired from your delightful union. In this case, disclose if you are on birth control and where you are in your cycle. If you’re paranoid about anything, go ahead and state your position on something if it’s really important to you. Can kill the sexy feels, but don’t hold back about something that you want to share or feel you should share.
Allow yourself to experience joy and pleasure! Orgasms are amazing for the skin. And regenerating the spirit, body, mind, and heart. Give and get plenty! :)
When we are grounded, clear, tuned in to ourselves—we can tune into the electric energy of another.
(Artist Unknown.)
Objective: Avoiding Pregnancy
Best Choice: Copper IUD
BIRTH CONTROL
I avoid plastic because it's bad for the oceans and it is estrogenic, meaning when we ingest or inhale or absorb plastic particles or some of the estrogenic toxins leach from plastic containers, then it acts like estrogen in our bodies over stimulating the hormone receptors, burdening our endocrine system and confusing and effectively turning off our reproductive systems.
However, taking birth control is consensual dosing of the body with extra estrogen which keeps us from getting pregnant, and by definition confuses the natural rhythms. My view on the packaging goes without saying, the overuse of plastics and rendering the materials non-recyclable because of the mix of metals with plastics is not cool. But again,
this is our best option for preventing unwanted pregnancy,
so, I have used birth control. Before I learned that plastic doesn’t biodegrade, I used condoms. Then I went on the pill for a couple years in college, but I just felt too disconnected from myself, so I switched to the nuva ring which I found convenient, but it was felt during sex, so that was odd. I went back to using condoms and then got a copper IUD or “Copper T” inserted into my uterine lining, which effectively makes the uterus inhospitable to fertilized eggs for up to five to ten years at a time. Intense right? There are both hormone-free and hormonal versions of the IUD. I got the hormone-free Copper IUD and I felt pretty normal and never had to take anything. My period was normal and the only time it hurt was inserting and extracting.
As far as birth controls go, the Copper IUD is a pretty good option environmentally and for our health. Plus, there is virtually no packaging pollution like other methods of protection.
I took it out a few years back because I learned how to track my fertility and it was nice to have nothing foreign in my body. Then when I wanted something in my body, I consciously chose to use condoms. Single-use plastic. PAINS ME. I challenge the designers and innovators to make something better for us!
**Learn more about plastic leaching estrogenic chemicals in these interviews with Dr. Jay on Bisphenols and Phthalates.
Objective: Lubricate the genitals
Best Choice: Coconut Oil*
LUBE
I prefer coconut oil. I feel that if you wouldn’t eat it, you shouldn’t put it in or around your most sensitive, absorbent body parts. *Coconut oil does make condoms less effective, so if you’re looking for a natural lube to use with condoms, maybe work on some sexy moves to self lubricate more or you’ll have to embark on your own research mission. Be sure to comment below what you find.
Objective: Self Pleasure or Bring Toys to the Party
Best Choice: Crystal Wands
SEX TOYS
I use crystal dildos and a jade egg. The dildos are beautiful and have different shapes to reach a variety of pleasure points. It’s amazing how little we are taught about the magic of our genitalia, we ultra sensitive nerves stretching from the clitoris around the pelvic floor all the way up to the cervix. There are practices for treasure hunting all of these orgasmic pathways with your fingers, someone else’s fingers, crystal wands, etc. This part of our body is so very sensitive and also when we are turned on, very permeable and wet. Just as we like to be mindful of our partner’s bodily fluids, we want to put safe toys in these precious places as well. SO MAGIC to pleasure with a beautiful crystal. Oddly grounded to hold a stone when climaxing.
Jade Eggs.
I use the Jade Egg for about an hour a day. Gently tightening and releasing my pelvic floor to hold it in. The weight of the egg helps to strengthen pelvic floor, increase sensitivity, and reconnect us to this creative energy centre by bringing our awareness. The egg is strung with environmentally friendly floss, so once you’re done, you extract the egg. Sanitise it in boiling hot water, let it dry, and store it in a safe, sexy place.
Many sex toys on the market are made with toxic, harmful chemicals. Even costumes and clothing that are made from cheap synthetic fibres are poorly made, so won’t last, and are full of toxins that could be transferred to your body! Such a bummer for things that seem so fun and harmless. Truth is when it comes to my skin—and that includes my sex—i like to keep everything as close to natural as possible, edible if I can! That is what I trust. So I use polished stones for stimulation instead of toxic plastic, and I have never looked back.
If you shop at Yoni Pleasure Palace, use the code PLASTICFREE to get 10% off and so your parcel is packed free of all plastic. The goddesses pack their toys in repurposed packaging, however, if enough of us use this code and indicate our plastic-free preference, perhaps they’ll begin to repurpose only recycled paper!
FYI: Sometimes the mining of these precious stones is unethical, so ask questions of the manufacturer or seller so you call all be sure the source of these magical healing crystals is verified just and fair. This also helps people who are doing their part and walking their truth with these healing crystals but perhaps haven’t heard about the dark side of the beloved gems to wake up to this reality and support the ethical suppliers with honest conditions for their workers.
This is the “Sacred Squirter” made of glass for your enjoyment. Available here.
LINGERIE
I love feeling sexy in racy lacy costumes and also MUST feel ultra-comfy in my knickers—often I want both at the same time. ;)
I have finally achieved this with my fav undies brand, HARA THE LABEL (use “plasticfreemermaid” for 15% off & I make 15%, everyone wins!) for high cut g-strings and comfy supportive bra tops that make feel so sexy and are so soft and comfortable. When I want a bit of lace, I go to Anekdot Boutique (pictured below) which is amazing lingerie designed and hand made in Berlin from repurposed laces sourced from high fashion and top of the line lingerie off cuts! Love.
A few things I learned about bamboo from Hara:
Uses only rainwater to grow compared to cotton which uses up to 2700 liters of water for a single T-shirt
Produces 30% more oxygen & absorbs more carbon dioxide than trees
Grows up to a meter a day with some species growing up to 30m tall
New stems can be harvested again and again making bamboo one of the most sustainable raw materials in the world
All Hara products are naturally dyed, cut, sewn, packaged and shipped in Melbourne, Australia and they strictly follow the Australian Textile, Clothing, Footwear and Associated Industries Award 2010 which ensure fair work conditions.
Lace Set by ANEKDOT BOUTIQUE; anekdotboutique.com
Le FIN
Feel free to comment YOUR environmental sex tips. Or if you have a question, comment below. Thanks for tuning in. X
More Hara the Label undies and bra top.