Does Blaming & Shaming Invite the Change Our World Needs?

When we point a finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back at us. 

One of my favourite principles of the #ExtinctionRebellion is NO BLAMING & SHAMING. You do not have to be plastic-free or carbon neutral or vegetarian to be a rebel for the planet. You have to want big picture change. Believe in what the world could be! A regenerative, decarbonised, relocalised, happiness-centric society. You do not have to be perfect. As XR says, we live in a toxic system, but no one individual is to blame.  (rebellion.earth)

I was pleasantly surprised to find this inclusive principle because we are truly all in this together. All humans have in common that we are collectively earth-bound & individually unique & different. This does not mean we are separate from each other. Nature teaches us this. We are all connected. Nature thrives with diversity and suffers in monoculture. So do human beings, a miracle and plague of nature! We are in this together. And not one of us is perfect. Demanding perfection from each other is unrealistic & oppressive. Especially when we cannot achieve perfection ourselves! Who are we to point the finger at another? Why are we not stretching out our hands to connect & support each other? 

I worry about creating this unrealistic expectation of eco-perfection. I worry for Greta that this young (brave incredible legendary) girl will hurt herself under the pressure of standing up for the planet so publically open to criticism and superhuman ethics. Can we soften our judgment of others? Can we remind ourselves we are only responsible for our own self. We have agency and sovereignty to make all the changes we want personally and before attacking another person, can we join a movement of many persons to in fact change the circumstances of the society that limits the options and opportunities for that person. Can we instead of pointing the finger at one human, instead raise the fist for systems change? Extend the hand to invite that person in to learn from your shining example? Link arms with animal eaters and frequent flyers and welcome them to march for a better world? Because if we do not invite them in now, they will feel on the other side of this movement, and if they feel on the other side, they will act on the other side. Vote for the other side. Stay on the other side.

When you are tempted to point the finger at someone else, try reaching your hand out instead.

FLIPPING THE FINGER

In my ten years of plastic freedom, I have learned the difference between aspirational & oppressive change. As we learn about the state of the planet, the pollution, the historically unprecedented off-the-charts melting of glaciers & thawing of permafrost, we are filled with panic. This sense of urgency can motivate us to aggressive tactics. However, if we are trying to inspire behaviour change in another person, this usually has the opposite effect. 

When we are aggressive it is easy for people to dismiss us as highly-emotional, over-reacting, sensational. When we come from a grounded, welcoming, inclusive place, we create intrigue, build trust & credibility, & welcome discusssion. There is space for sharing the truth, for recruiting, for showing horrific conditons animals are kept in or people suffering from floods or hurricanes. We can appeal to people's emotions & compassion. We can share the science & encourage each other to step up and make little or big changes.

At first when I learned whales were dying from our plastics I wanted to shout at people at the grocery checkout plastic-bagging their milk “DONT YOU GET IT?” People, of course, did not. It was 10 years ago and if I am extreme now, I was off the charts back then!  

I learned to charm my way into my plastic activism. Confidently pull out my glass jar to avoid plastic take-out. Cheerily tease someone for their straw instead of belittling them. Lead by example with my own cup instead of shaming others for their plastic cup. Humble, but vocal, & a lot of playful cheekiness to soften the doubters, the resisters, those clinging to their comforts & routines. Once I had them smiling, I slipped the information to ground my actions: “plastic takes approximately 1000 years to biodegrade, so it’s irresponsible to use it for disposable items.” Flash a smile, wiggle my reusable cup, go to the counter to order my drink. 

This works for me. We all have to find our own way. 

This approach is more regenerative for me as well. I choose not to get emotional and angry. I stay light, playful, and grounded in my own authentic integrity. Not attached or needing to change anyone. Simply offering a different perspective & like a siren from the depths calling people towards my way of life. Kind of kidding. Not going to drag them to the deep, but it is a bit of eco-seduction. Because blaming and shaming doesn't work for long-term, sustaining behaviour change. So how can I make this life so appealing, people cannot resist? How can I flip the pointed finger and reach out my hand and invite people in? So they feel safe, included, supported, seen, and comfortable to make a change outside of their comfort zone, outside of their usual way of life. How can I make them feel a part of something so beautiful, it is worth sacrificing some comforts?

I didn’t want to shame any one human. Most of the time they still had no idea. I first had to educate them not just of the problem but also of the solutions, so they could make their own mind up. Most people don't like being told what to do. Me telling someone to bring their own cup would only last so long. If I explained the pollution and chimed “that’s why I bring my own cup! Plus I get a discount on coffee for bringing it.” This can inspire someone to make a choice. READ YOUR AUDIENCE. If you know them and they need a nudge, give them the nudge. From a place of love and compassion. If you don't know them, feel what resonates with them—is it the scientific data, the animals, the future generations, the impact on their own health—tune in to what is relevant to them. Here you are connecting with them, showing them you see and acknowledge them as a human being, and you support them to make the changes that can make this world more comfortable for us all.

I didn’t want to shame one human, but I definitely want strong government regulation on corporate pollution and systemic redesign!

Back in my early days, I felt that if I ever wanted to point the finger at corporations or government about their plastic use, I better have mine fully sorted out. So I quit it all. Not to sit on a high horse where I could look down on others. But to have integrity and walk my talk. It wasn't easy, but at the time when plastic was everywhere and awareness was zero I preferred to clean myself up & create awareness through my shiny sparkly example. This beautiful journey taught me that the more I SHINED in my example—I lived my own life plastic-free & didn't shame others, I reminded them that this is MY choice, MY lifestyle—the more others felt included & INSPIRED to look at their own life. They would proudly show off their new reusable cup and would feel comfortable asking me how I store my food or make my own beauty products. I was not forcing them, I was living the example, inspiring them to rethink. I was accessible and available for their questions. 

I encourage us to have healthy discussions, challenge each other’s viewpoints, research solutions & grow our understanding of the science. Pointing the finger does not invite change or welcome participation. It creates division between you and me. We are either coming from our ecological self seeking connection and growth amongst the inevitable and necessary diversity OR we are coming from the egoic-self seeking gratification and validation. From the eco self, the goal is to inspire change and recruit more people to a regenerative way of existing and open minds to how the world could be and life should be. If we tell them “you are wrong,” they will resist, go into self defence, and close up. Is this the goal? No. The more we come from love and from the feeling of the world we want to create, the more we will attract people into this movement, the faster we will create this world we dream of.

Proud Rebel

I am proud to be a rebel within the decentralised rebellion against mass extinction and global ecological crisis. All who adhere to the thoughtful, grounding principles and vision are a part of the rebellion. You can read all here: rebellion.earth

In XR we also reflect & regenerate. We take deep breaths to stay grounded, connected to ourselves, so that we can push for change--less from reaction, & more from a deep resilient belief in the future we are working towards.